1. Cries, for no real reason. Just likes the feeling of tears falling down their face...maybe because tears taste like whiskey or soju.
2. Sings. Drinking songs are taught to children. Yea, it's like that.
3. Fights. Nothing is more amusing to watch than a Korean bar fight 'cause someone always tries some crazy Tae Kwon Do shit and it looks really funny. It is always not effective in taking someone down, but man, it just looks really fucken hilarious when some drunk Korean dude flies through the air with one leg out, twisting into some weird position, then fucken lands like a new born giraffe, all wobbly and shit. Irish guys just like to fight and they're good at it. Most non African American or Latin American boxers are Irish and Koreans. Watch the fucken Olympics if you don't believe me.
4. Tells really long ass stories that don't really say much but sound really interesting for the first 2 minutes. Kinda like this message.
5. Beats their kids. Only after the kids fuck up their drinking song recital. Ever been in a recital? It's fucken gay as hell and the pressure is like great enough to turn a piece of coal between your ass cheeks into diamond.
6. Outside of them English soccer (football) fans, Irish and Koreans love their fucken football like a fat kid loves food. My old advertising agency used to rep the Korean soccer team. Their slogan was "Be The Reds"- I really resented that because it made us, Koreans, seem grammatically challenged. I can't believe people pay other people to come up with useless shit like that- and they pay LOTS of fucken money. OK I want to volunteer my advertising service to the Irish Team "Be The Drunks". Now PAY ME BITCH!!!!
2. Sings. Drinking songs are taught to children. Yea, it's like that.
3. Fights. Nothing is more amusing to watch than a Korean bar fight 'cause someone always tries some crazy Tae Kwon Do shit and it looks really funny. It is always not effective in taking someone down, but man, it just looks really fucken hilarious when some drunk Korean dude flies through the air with one leg out, twisting into some weird position, then fucken lands like a new born giraffe, all wobbly and shit. Irish guys just like to fight and they're good at it. Most non African American or Latin American boxers are Irish and Koreans. Watch the fucken Olympics if you don't believe me.
4. Tells really long ass stories that don't really say much but sound really interesting for the first 2 minutes. Kinda like this message.
5. Beats their kids. Only after the kids fuck up their drinking song recital. Ever been in a recital? It's fucken gay as hell and the pressure is like great enough to turn a piece of coal between your ass cheeks into diamond.
6. Outside of them English soccer (football) fans, Irish and Koreans love their fucken football like a fat kid loves food. My old advertising agency used to rep the Korean soccer team. Their slogan was "Be The Reds"- I really resented that because it made us, Koreans, seem grammatically challenged. I can't believe people pay other people to come up with useless shit like that- and they pay LOTS of fucken money. OK I want to volunteer my advertising service to the Irish Team "Be The Drunks". Now PAY ME BITCH!!!!
This webblog was supposed to give me suicide tips or excuses to do it. So far it's just humorous musings about alcoholism, public urination on hipster music venues, ambiguous romance and fun racism. The title of the blog is "Why Don't You Kill Yourself?" - so maybe you are implying "here are some reasons not to kill yourself," in which case you did pretty well with that mental image of your tiny asscheeks squeezing a gemstone from a lump of coal.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, in your last post you meant to write "the seed has been SOWN," not sewn, because you were making a farming metaphor and not a decorative-knitting metaphor.
I guess I'll defer killing myself, at least until your next blog entry gets posted.
Damn. Totally schooled. I guess in my defense I will protest that sewn is appropriate due to the guy's impeccable taste in fashion. I'll explain as I write further but yes, I was totally WRONG.
ReplyDeleteOh and the title of this blog is from The Only Ones song. My suicide tip is and always will be Kurt Cobain it, dude, or for the older literal set, Hunter S. Thompson it or Ernest Hemingway it.